Have you ever been rebuked by a child? I have. Sometimes by my own, with things like a soft little hand caressing my cheek while I'm deep in thought or reading, or a quivering lip bravely bitten when I've reacted harshly. Here's a rebuke that recently came to me from my good friend Laura's 9 year old daughter.
"Anne! Anne! Cheaful Anne! An Anne hwo is cheaful!
Anne has a lot of cheaful days for she is cheafal.
Cheafal days and Trusty day and day about loving.
Anne! Anne! Cheafal Anne! So so so so so so cheaful!
~Bobbi"
Now, she certainly didn't mean this as a rebuke. She was ecstatic that we had finally come to visit after a year of not being together, and had prepared this note in anticipation. A YEAR. Once a year! That's who can write such a note about me: a little girl who sees me once a year. Roy got a good laugh out of it, but it has continued to haunt me all week.... the fact that my own loving husband or my own precious children could not honestly or truthfully write that about me.
1 Thess 5:16-18 Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Psalm 139:23 & 24
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; 24 And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting. (NKJV)
I've been thinking a bit on and in this Psalm, and recently was reading it in the New Living Translation, where verse 24 reads, "Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." As I was reading, something clicked. Something that I'm sure has been there all along (I've checked in all my old Bibles, and it is) but I had completely missed.
All my life, I've read and applied those two verses as a challenge to God. My paraphrase would have read "I'm so confident in my righteousness that God, I'm even opening myself up to YOUR inspection! YOU know that my mistakes have been accidents or, better yet, others' misunderstandings. I challenge you to try to find any wickedness in my heart, and then, just help me keep on keeping on." No, I would never have stated it that way; not when I was thinking that way! But I really felt like God, upon examining me, would be my vindicator. And I do believe that in many situations, He is: He IS the one who understands when my heart's intent is pure, but misread; but He is also the one who sees my heart's intent much clearer than I do, and many, many times it is not as pure as I would make myself believe.
What clicked for me recently was the thought that I am not challenging God to find my sin; He has already seen it. (In fact, He saw it as pretty dire and death as being the only solution.) And if God is seeing it that way, am I? Have I honestly faced sin in my past? And what about now? Am I only willing to see today's sin tomorrow or next week, once I have a buffer of time to cushion my conscience and make it not quite so embarrassing to bring to the Lord? ("Um, God, I need to ask your forgiveness for ____ last week. I mean, I've totally moved on and cleaned it out of my heart (?!) but still forgive me, please.") Hmm. BIG problems. First, trying to be the one to find what areas of my life and heart need to be changed; second, trying to change myself before I go to the Lord; and third, having too much pride to throw myself at His mercy right when I need it.
A simultaneous other click was that I need to learn about inviting the Lord to share with me what He knows about me. I need to learn about submitting myself to His inspection, not because I'm confident that I'll pass, but because I'm confident that I fall so short I don't even know all the ways I fall short! HE is the one to reveal my sins to me; I don't need to scurry frantically through my heart trying to find it, as when I was a child cleaning my room before mom came to inspect!
Now I'm learning the importance of the final phrase, too: "lead me in the way everlasting". There are many ways to understand this, and there are even several ways to translate it, but right now, God has reminded me that there is one Way everlasting, and I desperately need Him! My previous understanding, that this meant "just help me keep doing what I do", or even "help me walk the narrow path of self-denial" is humanistic and proud, missing the point that the only way there IS a way everlasting for me is because God died for me. "God, the path You have for me is based solely on Your blood and Your righteousness - not on me or any of my abilities."
kids are awake...dinner is not made...
I've been thinking a bit on and in this Psalm, and recently was reading it in the New Living Translation, where verse 24 reads, "Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." As I was reading, something clicked. Something that I'm sure has been there all along (I've checked in all my old Bibles, and it is) but I had completely missed.
All my life, I've read and applied those two verses as a challenge to God. My paraphrase would have read "I'm so confident in my righteousness that God, I'm even opening myself up to YOUR inspection! YOU know that my mistakes have been accidents or, better yet, others' misunderstandings. I challenge you to try to find any wickedness in my heart, and then, just help me keep on keeping on." No, I would never have stated it that way; not when I was thinking that way! But I really felt like God, upon examining me, would be my vindicator. And I do believe that in many situations, He is: He IS the one who understands when my heart's intent is pure, but misread; but He is also the one who sees my heart's intent much clearer than I do, and many, many times it is not as pure as I would make myself believe.
What clicked for me recently was the thought that I am not challenging God to find my sin; He has already seen it. (In fact, He saw it as pretty dire and death as being the only solution.) And if God is seeing it that way, am I? Have I honestly faced sin in my past? And what about now? Am I only willing to see today's sin tomorrow or next week, once I have a buffer of time to cushion my conscience and make it not quite so embarrassing to bring to the Lord? ("Um, God, I need to ask your forgiveness for ____ last week. I mean, I've totally moved on and cleaned it out of my heart (?!) but still forgive me, please.") Hmm. BIG problems. First, trying to be the one to find what areas of my life and heart need to be changed; second, trying to change myself before I go to the Lord; and third, having too much pride to throw myself at His mercy right when I need it.
A simultaneous other click was that I need to learn about inviting the Lord to share with me what He knows about me. I need to learn about submitting myself to His inspection, not because I'm confident that I'll pass, but because I'm confident that I fall so short I don't even know all the ways I fall short! HE is the one to reveal my sins to me; I don't need to scurry frantically through my heart trying to find it, as when I was a child cleaning my room before mom came to inspect!
Now I'm learning the importance of the final phrase, too: "lead me in the way everlasting". There are many ways to understand this, and there are even several ways to translate it, but right now, God has reminded me that there is one Way everlasting, and I desperately need Him! My previous understanding, that this meant "just help me keep doing what I do", or even "help me walk the narrow path of self-denial" is humanistic and proud, missing the point that the only way there IS a way everlasting for me is because God died for me. "God, the path You have for me is based solely on Your blood and Your righteousness - not on me or any of my abilities."
kids are awake...dinner is not made...
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